The Exquisitely Doomed Rescue of Marron
by elektralyte
Summary: Yamcha and Krillen try to rescue Marron from a cult of tentacleheaded C'thulu worshippers and end up needing a rescue themselves. How will our heroes get out of this mess?


_**The Exquisitely Doomed Rescue of Marron**_

_By elektra12_

_**Disclaimer:** I write for fun, not profit and Dragonball/Z/Gt is owed by Funimation and others. It is not owned by me._

_**Rating:** T/PG-13_

_**Summary:** Yamcha and Krillen try to rescue Marron from a cult of tentacle-headed C'thulu worshippers and end up needing a rescue themselves. How will our heroes get out of this mess?_

_**Warning:** A wee bit icky in places. Tentacles and such... _

I'm having a dream where I'm swaying in the breeze like a tall reed in a darkened sky. I gotta say, it's a peaceful, easy feeling, just swaying back and forth, back and forth. I don't have a freakin' care in the world, except for the smell. It's like weeks old cabbage and I can't figure out why...

"Yamcha, I'm gonna puke!"

Oh, now I remember.

"For the love Kami, don't Krillen!" I demand/beg.

I open my eyes and force myself to get oriented. Everything is upside down. Strike that. I'm upside down, and hanging from a rope and...in a well? Hang on, (ha!) I'm tied by my feet, hanging upside down, in a well and I'm bound to Krillen. CRAP! Could this be any worse?

"Yamcha, I really gotta puke!" My buddy insists.

"Krillen, that's a real bad idea," I warn.

"Why? I really need to..."

"Think of where it's going!"

He pauses only for a moment to consider, then says, "Oh. Okay, I think I'm feeling better."

"Great," I mutter.

I look around to assess the situation. The view above us, or below us actually, catches my attention.

"Krillen, are those what I think they are down there?"

"If by they, you mean those six inch spikes carpeting the floor, then yeah Yamcha, they're what you think they are."

'Crap!' I thought to myself. I concentrate for a moment on my ki. I know I'm middle aged, but I'm pretty sure I should have enough juice left in me to level a building at least. I find myself woefully low though.

"How's your power-level buddy?"

"About as low as yours," he answers.

This time I say it out loud. "CRAP!"

We hang in silence. This upside down stuff can't be good for us and I'm starting to get a migraine. We've got to come up with a solution soon, not just for us, but for Marron too. She's counting on us to find her.

"What do you think happened to our ki, Yamcha?"

"I'd bet that those slurpy, tentacled-headed guys put the hoodoo on us," I answer.

Krillen is silent with contemplation. Hooray! Now I can think. Unfortunately, Krillen starts wriggling around.

"Will you cut it out! I'm trying to think..."

"Wait Yamcha! I think I can swing us to the wall. You know, push me pull me, until we hit the wall..."

"Oh yeah, then what?"

"Then we climb up those vines clinging to the sides of the well," he explains.

Kami, I hate to burst his bubble. "That's a great idea Krillen. HIgh five!" I call out sarcastically.

"Um. I can't. My hands are tied."

"That's right K. Both our hands are tied. Behind our backs. Which means they're in between us. So I guess we're not climbing up any walls."

Krillen stops trying to swing us and falls silent again. I'm being an jackass right now. At least K's trying to get us out of here, I haven't even come up with a _bad_ plan.

"K, dude, look..."

"Shhhh!"

"Huh?"

"Shut up all ready!" He hisses. "Someone's coming!"

Oh Crap. He's right! We strain our ears towards the sounds of footsteps from above. They stop at the opening in the wall near the top of the well-thing. What looks like a head pops through the opening and a familiar voice calls out to us.

"Krillen? Yamcha?"

"Baby? Eighteen?" K calls back.

"Are you two all right?"

"Yeah, baby! Can you get us out?" He asks, with hope.

"Just a minute."

I feel us being pulled to the side. Then, I feel us being hoisted out of this Dende-forsaken hole.

When we reach the top a few things become clear. One, this is a tower, not a well. Two, the opening is actually some kind of hallway. Three, Marron is here, I guess her mother saved the day.

Isn't that just special? _(Insert ironically raised eye-brow here.)_

Marron and Eighteen untie us and help us up. Krillen grabs his wife in a bear hug and squeezes for all he's worth, which isn't much right now because of our low ki. Whatever, she doesn't seem to mind.

I glance at Marron who gives me a small wave. I, in turn, scratch the back of my head, Goku style. This is not the rescue I envisioned.

"Ladies," I mutter in acknowledgment. Marron grins at my discomfort and Eighteen just stares.

"How come you're still strong, honey? The slurpy, tentacle-headed guys stole our ki powers with hoodoo! Hey, where are they anyway?" Krillen asks in rapid-fire succession.

"I took care of them," she answers blandly.

"But what about your strength?"

Eighteen rolls her eyes and replies, "Android, silly."

"Oh yeah. Hoodoo proof."

Hoodoo proof? What does that mean? And what does being an android have to do with it? Oh, right. Eighteen doesn't have to rely on ki, she has an internal power source. Humph.

I turn my attention to Marron and ask, "so, your mom saved you too?"

"Not really," she replies. "The tentacle guys let me go. Seems I didn't fulfill all the necessary requirements."

"Huh what?"

Marron shrugs her shoulders, then sheepishly explains, "they needed to sacrifice a young, blonde, _virgin_."

I stare at her, not getting her meaning. Then it dawns on me and I foolishly reply, "oh."

Kami, I actually feel myself blushing. A quick glance at her parents assures me that they aren't listening to our little chat. They really don't need to hear this. Still, I have to know something else.

"So they just let you go? Without trying to ah, harm you?" I can't make myself say 'kill'.

"Well..." There's that shrug again. It's the one that tells me she's about to say something I won't like. "Between you and me, their head honcho, kind of likes me. So I worked it a little."

Ew. EW, EW, EW! Oops. I think I may have said that out loud.

"Everything okay?" Krillen asks.

"Yes Papa, everything is fine," she answers. Marron shoots eye-daggers at me and hisses, "I didn't do anything, just flirted a little, OKAY?"

"But they're slimy and gross," I immaturely point out.

"And you guys took too long to find me. I had to do something, right?" And that effectively ends our conversation.

Krillen grabs his wife's hand and says it's time to go. I couldn't agree more. I notice Marron casually tossing a piece of paper away. I wonder what that's about? I also wonder what happened to all the tentacle-headed guys?

_I'm hanging upside down, in a tower, tied by a rope, to my brethren. My tentacles are tangled up with theirs and the smell...is quite pleasant actually. I like the smell of rotten cabbage. What I don't like are those six inch spikes below us. Whose brilliant idea was that?_

_"You (slurp) had to let her (slurp) go," accuses someone from behind me._

_"Ayuh," I slurpily reply. What more can I say? I liked her. I think she likes me. She did take my phone number after all._

_"We could have (shuluuurp) at least fed her to IT. Now ITS (shloop) going to eat us!"_

_"Ayah," I reply once again. I really don't want to be eaten by IT. IT is an indescribable horror what eats you for a thousand years. At least that's what I hear. Still, it's better than facing the wrath of the master. Sigh. C'thulu will not be pleased. This is a right cluster flop._

_Off in the distance I hear the enormous, roiling, squishiness of ITS approach. _

_"Well," I bubble positively. '"If I survive this, (slurp) mayhap she'll call me!" _

The End?


End file.
